umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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