Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
