cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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