im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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