Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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