if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
