Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
