Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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