My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I want to fling myself into the sun
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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