I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
