made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize