respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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