she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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