I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
