so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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