my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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