Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You left your phone here
Wait...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
