honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
