why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
