Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
