Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
