Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
