During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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