every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize