Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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