i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
