Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
