My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
