someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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