listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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