my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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