i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize