and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
