Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize