On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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