he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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