I just cut my nipple shaving
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize