I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
