Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
