I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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