This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
