We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize