I am in a vortex of obligation.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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