you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
