1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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