how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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