I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
