just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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