Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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