Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
