He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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