I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
