I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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