He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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