im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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