the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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