you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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