White coat. Heels.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then my night got REAL pukey
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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