farters have to be the big spoon...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize