I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
