Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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