I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
