those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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