she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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