You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
