Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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