carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
