i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
