so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
