I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
