How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
