Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
