this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I could make wine with my vomit
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
