All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
