also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
