u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
