Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize