I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize