So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
