A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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