I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He better not be in your backpack
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
