My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
