he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
