She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
