You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
