when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize