whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
