So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
