Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
