please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
