Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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