im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
