So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I didn't notice because vodka
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
