i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
