also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
