can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
