I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
