I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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