cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
