I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize