oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
