I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize