No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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