Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
