Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize