My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize