I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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