Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like a drive thru vagina
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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