Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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