My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
