I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
