What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
